Fighting the journey to go down that rabbit hole of despair....

 

You know the drill. You think one bad thing. Then another and before you know it, you are deep in an inconsolable hole of self-pity, doubt, and despair. For years my hubby has told me to just STOP it. Easy for him to say; however, I have been guilty of telling others the same thing. Just STOP it. Well, I'm a true believer now. 

I am happy to share this method of controlling depression. Note: I did not say that we can control what feelings come in to our minds. All we can control is how we feel about those thoughts. Pretty amazing stuff, if you ask me.

I share with my clients and students the circle of control. Try it with me. Put your arms in a big circle above your head. Who is IN that circle? You, of course. That is all you can control. You cannot control anyone or anything else. You can, though, control how you perceive others and their actions. You can decide to despair and be sad OR you can decide it is what it is. You don't have to allow the thought to manipulate your emotions. You can control those. Remember, the circle of control.

A second piece of advice I am following myself, is to do something when you start ruminating negativity. Do something physical. Today I colored in my new coloring book for adults. It calmed me and as I colored in short strokes on the paper, I felt a calmness enter my being. I began to relax and experience some inner peace. 

Many physical things help in this way. It doesn't hurt to dance to music as you clean the house. You can do the dishes listening to salsa music. You can sway to the oldies but goodies as you fold the laundry. You are in control of you now and forever. Take the time to love yourself enough to ensure a calm and peaceful inner you.

Many blessings to you on this difficult, but achievable, journey to peace!

Lola

 Bah, humbug! Christmas Spirit?

Actually, this is the very first time in my life that I have not had an ounce of that traditional frenzy and Christmas joy in my heart. Don't get me wrong. I know the religious aspect and I honor that and I thank God for being my redeemer, although at times I am not sure I have strong faith; however, with the commercialization of Christmas, excuse me, Xmas, Christ is lost in the frenzy to decorate, bake, entertain, shop, and cook. 

This year I have taken a Christmas Joy sabbatical. I focused my efforts on my amazing students - high school teens who are immigrants to our country. The newest of these received stockings filled with treats from the Dollar Tree (thanking God for that store). One told me he had never received a stocking, although he is from a country that is predominantly Catholic. Another said he had never felt such joy in a classroom as when he entered mine. That's MY joy at Christmas. That feeling that when students walk through the portals to our classroom they find unconditional love, safety, and goodness. 

So have I forsaken my family at this glorious time of year? On the contrary, most will not even realize that I've been absent. Hubby did all the gifts and I do mean all, except we are not exchanging gifts (his idea). I did no decorations at home, rather beautified my classroom where it was appreciated and applauded. I think some students didn't even have a tree - yes, these were Christian students. Much less gifts. I made beautiful Christmas cards via Blue Mountain Cards and ordered matching envelopes. In the process now of purchasing movie tickets to insert and send out this week to all 75 of my students. 

Yes, and I did teach. We learned about the Native American culture and how beautiful their customs are - not specifically to holidays, just the general beliefs. We learned about fathers and what constituted a good father and what bad fathers do. We agreed that all fathers have both good and bad in them. We watched the movie "Smoke Signals" and learned about life. It was good. It was calm. It was blessed. The week flew by. Nary a discipline problem in our room. Just a feeling of joy and love. Yes, I believe that is Christmas. 

I am also not cooking a Christmas dinner. Instead we are going to my sister's house. The grown men I gave birth to are planning their separate Christmas, which is great, as I will probably see them for dessert one day at their homes. So I don't have to decorate, cook, wrap gifts, or even send out cards if I don't want to. I am free. I am free to love, live, and be grateful for the long life I've lived, for the gifts of beautiful students, innocent and precious grandchildren, and the opportunity to make a difference - at least that is the plan.

Peace and joy be with you this season. You do have choices. The past does not have to rule you. You are in charge! Have a blessed and merry Christmas.

Christmas past when I was dark-haired and sister visited. Christmas present I have white hair and sister lives five minutes from me. Joy is having a person love you no matter what you do, say, or believe. I truly love my sister and she loves me. I am blessed beyond belief.